“Mouth, you have to try to say what I want you to say.”
I think so much about the future. My head sometimes treats me mad. Hard to make the sonnets you compose so carefully in your head actually come to life. Having autism feels too hard. The earnest thoughts have nothing caught in them. They are clear and so clear that I can hold them in the real cave of my mind and touch them. Then, a wave comes and washes it away before it comes out of my mouth. Something has to happen making my thoughts come out. Have to get my head to participate in my mouth’s activities if I can get on with my life. Too many more things to learn. I have my goals and hopes.
My hard moments are less now. When giving the most, autism can feel happy. It feels overwhelming. You have so many hard, awesome, worrisome, good, challenging and maybe wonderful times.
Another love has my attention. It is my goal to make a world where we can unite the earnest helpers with the autistic thinkers to find real solutions. Going to my learning hard things, I twist and try to act normal, but always have to rock and flap and get my calm. Normal is not me.